Wednesday, January 20, 2010

God Answers Prayers...

He always does, even when it's not the answer you wanted. Today is one of those days. One of those days that I sit back and cry, hurt, and have a heart full of disappointment because it's not the answer I wanted.

***This is probably the longest post EVER. Please don't feel like you have to read it; I just needed to write!!!

Let's go back to the beginning...

Thanksgiving, 2006, we were at Tony's parents' house celebrating. I unfortunately got the stomach virus--so I thought. A couple of days later I took a pregnancy test and found out I was going to have a baby! My sister married Eddie on December 2nd, so I waited until after that to tell my family. I gave my mom and dad these cute little poems to share the news. We gave Tony's parents an ornament that had the first five grandkids names' on the stockings and on the sixth one we put our due date. Everyone was so excited! My kids at school were excited, too. I told everyone when we got back from Christmas break. My school kids had bets going on whether it was a boy or a girl. I found out on March 2nd and the next day wore a shirt to school that said, "It's a boy." The sonograms were fun. I remember seeing my baby for the first time. That little blinking dot that showed the beating heart. It was amazing.

August 5, 2007, was my due date. Tony and I thought we'd be spending our first anniversary in the hospital with our new baby! In May, I looked like I was nine months pregnant! I waddled everywhere...and still had three months to go. I started having some problems with my blood pressure and then in June started going twice a week to the doctor to monitor the baby. It was scary, but things seemed fine. I made it to my July 10th appointment...with a migraine. As soon as I walked into the office, they saw me and took one look at me and put me into a room. The next thing I know, Dr. Arbabi sat Tony down and told us that I was preeclamptic. She continued to let us know that I was being wheeled over to the hospital and would deliver the next day. I was 36 weeks along. Wow! We called our parents and let them know. I had quite a few visitors that night, but hardly remember them because of all the medicines I was one. The next morning they induced labor and at 3:05pm my miracle entered this world. Malachi Lavon Cunningham was 6 lbs 9 oz and 20 inches long. We spent two more nights in the hospital and then came home on Friday afternoon. Tony's family came Saturday and brought loads of things for the baby. He was already loved so very much. Saturday night I could not lie down or sleep. I thought that it was because I was worried about Malachi. I called the doctor early in the morning and he talked me into going back to the hospital.

So, here we go, all three of us back to the hospital. They admitted me with double pneumonia. I thought that we would get to go home after a night there, but on Monday night I became completely incoherent. My mother had shown up a little while before I completely lost it. The doctors and nurses were arguing on how to take care of me, so my mom asked that I be transferred to Harris Downtown. Granbury has two ambulances and one of them was at a fire outside the city limits, so the Pecan Plantation volunteers came and picked me up. They almost dropped me, twice. Thank God Tony was there to help so I didn't go tumbling over strapped to the bed! We got to Harris and the poor guys didn't know where they were going. When we got up to the ICU floor I remember looking up and seeing about 12 nurses waiting for me a room. The doctor came and met us in the hallway and made Tony leave me. I couldn't talk at the time, but I remember thinking that I wasn't going to make it and they didn't even let me tell my husband goodbye. The nurses in the room poked me with needles and hooked me up to several machines. I had at least 15 cords hooked up to me. For three days I stayed in ICU. The nurses were amazing. I had many, many tests run and name it, I got it! The IVs were not wanting to stay in my arms, so they inserted a PICC line. Terri was so kind to stay right outside my room and talked to me while this was happening. It was pretty scary! The visitation hours were very strict and I couldn't wait to see Tony every two hours. He was able to stay in my room for 30 minutes at a time. My entire family were troopers. My parents, little brother, and cousin NEVER left the waiting room while I was in ICU. My mom's best friend kept the baby. Two of my closest friends brought me pictures of my baby to have with me in the room. A sweet nurse wheeled me and all my machines out for about 20 minutes one night and let me hold my baby! I was (and still am) so blessed. After 3 days, they were able to get my blood pressure, heart rate, and most of the pnuemonia under control. They moved me to a regular room and I was able to see Malachi every night! My cardiologist came in and told me that I had congestive heart failure due to pregnancy and I would not be able to have anymore children. At the time I was sad, but I had just had a baby, so it didn't hit very hard. I was just glad that they found out what was wrong and were able to treat it.

After a week and a half of the regular room, I was able to go home and be with my baby! I had doctor's appointments every day for the next week. Trying to get my meds leveled out was a pain. A month later I found out that God had healed my heart! It was such an amazing feeling.

About 6 months ago, I got a terrible itch to have another baby. I started researching on the internet and found some great news. Some doctors had done a study that looked good for me and I became hopeful. I have been sitting on it for awhile, but last week decided to make an appointment with a cardiologist that specializes in women with heart conditions that are pregnant. The appointment was made for today. I have prayed about it all week and had such a good feeling. I thought I would go in and he would tell me steps I needed to take in order to have a healthy pregnancy.

I was so excited this morning knowing I was going to find out about my future! We left and were actually on time!! They called me back into a room and the nurse came in. She took my blood pressure and it looked better than it has in awhile. She performed an EKG and it looked good to me, although, I don't really know how to read them. But it looked normal! She was very kind. The doctor came in a few minutes later. He shook my hand and then Tony's. He asked what was going on and I told him that I had a postpartum cardiomyopathy and I wanted another baby. He looked at me and matter of factly said, "We highly recommend no more babies." What????????????? That is not what he was supposed to say. That is not what I have read. What in the world was he thinking telling me what I didn't want to hear. I start crying (like I am doing now) and he told me the hard part of his job was telling people the truth instead of what they want to hear. I was just talking to God in my head, well not talking, screaming at Him....this is NOT what I want. He ensured me that he would get my chart from the hospital and talk to other cardiologists, but he was quite sure that the answer is no. He had good reasons. He made sense. I am just having a hard time taking the truth.

Clearly, God has other plans for me. Clearly, I just need to sit back and listen for His answer. Not the one I wanted, but the one He has for me. I think what makes me more sad than anything is because I didn't take enough time to enjoy my pregnancy. I was too busy complaining about being sick and tired and big and having to go to the bathroom all the time. I am sad because I'll never get to have another sonogram with the cold jelly on my stomach. I'll never get to go through the pain of the contractions. I realize that I can be looked at as selfish because I was able to have one baby. There are many people that can't even have any of this once, but it still hurts. It's not my decision to not have anymore children and I'm struggling with that!

If you took the time to read all my ramblings, please pray for me. Please pray that I will just sit back and be quiet so I can hear God's answer. I am so blessed to have an amazing husband and I have forgotten that he is sad in all this, too.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

It's the Playoffs, Baby!

Last Saturday night was SO much fun! My BIL, sister, SIL-to-be, brother, husband, and I went to Jerry's World to watch the Cowboys destroy the Eagles!!! My amazing little brother decided to forgo tickets on the third row to buy tickets for all of us to go! How sweet is that!?!

I have to admit that I was a little nervous at the beginning of the game. It's the same feeling that I got before going onto the court in my own games back in the day. This team has so many players that are fun to watch. Cowboys plucked the Eagles (haha, couldn't resist!), 34-14. Now we go into Minnesota to watch Dallas take on Favre and the Vikings. Go Cowboys!

All in all, it was a great game and a fabulous time spent with my siblings! Thanks, Ryan, for giving us the opportunity to go!!

This paragraph is just for me to read back on in the future! Romo is doing a fantastic job in the quarterback position. I love our three headed monster at running back that includes Barber, Jones, and Choice. Miles Austin, Patrick Crayton, and Jason Witten are dependable when we need them to catch a ball. Roy Williams even decided to show up Saturday night! The O-line does a great job keeping Romo protected. On defense Spencer and Ware put so much pressure on the quarterback. Bradie James (my love) is tearing it up at linbacker. Jenkins is doing an awesome job in the secondary, as well as, Newman, Sensabaugh, Scandrick, Hamlin, and Ball. Hurd is fun to watch on special teams at the games. Buehler kicks the ball in the end zone almost everytime! There are more players that make a big difference, but these are the ones I love!!!

Friday, January 8, 2010


So, on a normal day I would have been rooting for the Longhorns. Not last night. Nope, I was rooting for the Crimson Tide.

Why?? Because I put a few dollars in a pot for the college bowl games. I let my football-savvy husband pick the teams and it came down to the last game!!!

Tony had picked Alabama to win. There were 84 entrants and it came down to me and my brother. The better part was that my brother picked Texas. We knew it would probably come down to the last game so all week we've been giving each other a hard time. We taught Malachi how to say, "The horns are going down!" He would put the longhorn hand sign downward and really get into saying, "doooooooooooown!" We also taught him how to say Bama! Too funny!

We all watched the game together and watched Colt McCoy go down in the second series. I didn't wish that upon him; I was actually very sad for him. As soon as he was out, the intensity for both teams went way down. I give props to Gilbert coming into a National Championship game as a true freshman and doing outstanding job. At least Texas knows they have another stud coming up at quarterback.

Needless to say, the Crimson Tide rolled to victory and I did too!!! I don't think I've (actually Tony) have ever won anything like this. Woohoo!

***Lissa, I hope you still love me after this post! Hook 'em...Their basketball team is amazing! can do it!

I have to keep telling myself that, "I can do it," because working out is, well, not one of my favorite things to do! The other problem I have is eating. I like to eat. I've always liked to eat. I am a picky eater, so that means healthy stuff is usually yucky to me.

I ordered Tony P90X for Christmas and we started it two days ago. It is a challenging routine, but I have to say that is has been fun. Tony goes through my workout helping me when I need it, giving me a high five when I complete a hard task, and making sure that I have all the encouragement in the world. He has been amazing. Pretty much every year I have the same new year's resolution and that is to lose weight. I would post before pictures, but I have to say that I'm just too ashamed of what I've let happen to me.

So, once again my resolution is to lose weight. Not just because I want to look good, but I want to feel good and be healthy. I feel like this year is a little different. I feel like I have actually committed. I have joined the biggest loser at school for more motivation.

Hopefully in 87 days I will be able give you some results!

A recap on the past decade...

I cannot believe that is already 2010. I graduated from high school 10 years ago! So much has changed--

2000- I graduated from Cleburne High School with 260 some-odd other people!
I turned 18 a week before moving to Abilene.
I started my journey at Abilene Christian University.

2001- I turned 19 a week before leaving for Oxford!
I studied abroad in Oxford, England. An AMAZING experience!
I visited Italy, Germany, Scotland, Ireland, France, and Austria.
9-11 happened and it was quite an experience to watch it from outside the states.

2002- I turned 20.
I lived with a friend and then my adopted brothers.
Many memories were made on Bruceway!
I heard Tony's name for the first time when he caught the winning touchdown in a big time game!

2003- I turned 21. I was entering my senior year in college!
I met Tony after an ACU football game. He was a wide receiver for ACU. I met him through a mutual football player friend!
I met Isaak. He had just turned two.

2004- I turned 22.
Jordenne was born on March 28th. I fell in love instantly!
I did my student teaching at Clack Middle School under Jodi Jacques. She was amazing. I fell in love with teaching sixth grade.
I graduated from ACU. My entire family was there. My dad escorted me through graduation. It was a great experience. Tony was so proud of me--I will never forget him yelling so loudly for me.

2005- I turned 23.
I took over for teacher in Sweetwater for the second semester. I taught fifth grade self contained. I knew after that semester that I would NEVER teach a self-contained class ever again.
I took a job as a Middle School Coordinator for an after-school program in Abilene.

2006- I turned 24.
I got ENGAGED on Valentine's Day at Olive Garden. Tony was so cute!
We set the date for June 2007. That quickly was changed when I was hired on back in Cleburne!
Tony got hired on at the Wal-Mart Distribution Center in Cleburne.
We packed up our stuff and moved to Cleburne.
We got MARRIED on a cruise in August. Good times :)
I started teaching fifth grade science at Cleburne Intermediate School.
I found out I was pregnant at Thanksgiving.
My sister married one of the funniest, sweetest guys on the planet!

2007- I turned 25. I was due on August 5th.
I had a not-so-fun pregnancy. I was sick for the first 28 weeks and then off and on until I delievered.
I had a few minor complications in May with the pregnancy. I looked like a whale. People kept assuming I only had a couple of weeks left; I had to correct them that it was 3 months!
My cutie-pie niece, Elliott Kate, was born on May 11th.
I had more problems in June with headaches, blood pressure, etc.
I went to the doctor on July 10th and she told me that she was sending me over to deliver my baby the next day. Wow!
One of the BEST days of my life was July 11th when I gave birth to my precious Malachi Lavon Cunningham!
Five days later I was in Harris Hospital in ICU with congestive heart failure. (I'll do a whole post on that one day!)
God was SO good and healed me completely by August.
I moved to an elementary school to teach fifth grade.
Isaak moved to Cleburne with the rest of us and started kindergarten.

2008- I turned 26.
Malachi turned one!
We cruised with a ton of family!
I started teaching 6th grade science at Smith Middle School and coaching volleyball, basketball, and track.
My pretty little niece, Beckett Chelsea, was born.

2009- I turned 27.
My first time to be at the same school two years in a row! Yea for not having to pack up and move!
My brother asked Kayla to marry him!
We spent Christmas Eve at my sister's house because we got snowed in and couldn't make it home. (yes, in Texas)

2010- I will turn 28.
Isaak will turn 9.
Jordenne will turn 6.
Malachi will turn 3.
Tony will have worked 4 years at the DC in May.
Ryan and Kayla will be married in June.
We are crusing with the family again in July!

I wonder what the next decade will bring?!?